The male brain developed accordingly with little need or capacity for talking!Īt a social and psychological level the withdrawing is a protective mechanism from fear of being hurt. Why is this happening for Men? From an evolutionary perspective man as hunter-gatherer cared only about the physical and practical nature of finding food and protecting his family from harm. In general, blokes tend to withdraw more often than women. Men and women can take the role of pursuer or withdrawer or even both at various times. More importantly if this dynamic gets left unchecked emotions become heightened and intense. The Pursue/Withdraw interaction keeps relationships stuck and distressed. Here’s what happens in terms of emotions and behaviours. The Pursue/Withdraw is one pattern of communication adopted by one or both partners. Making sense of the silence of men is vital and can be found in one the most powerful and damaging of relationship dance routines, the ‘Pursuer/Withdrawer’. Understanding your dance move of relating is an essential ingredient of improving your relationship. Relationship experts describe how partners dance in relationships! These ‘dance moves’ take the shape of actions, behaviours, verbal and non-verbal expression. It’s a kind of dance move! Relationship dynamics It’s part of the choreography of an intimate relationship. These snippets all contain a form of silent withdrawal of men. He assumes she knows exactly how he feels. He says nothing about how he feels about her. She openly expresses her love for him and glows in the intimacy. He initiates physical affection and sex is regular and amazing. A man feels loving toward his partner.For the rest of the evening he is silent, unresponsive and lost in the TV. His partner asks “ What’s wrong?” He replies “ Nothing”.
He enters the house, throws down his coat and car keys, let’s out a huge sigh and slumps on the couch, kicks off his shoes and puts the sports channel on the TV. A man comes home from a long, hard and stressful day at work.He wakes up next morning oblivious to the conversation. He tries his best to keep his eyes open, nodding and making grunting noises until he can no longer pretend, and falls asleep.
Just as he lays his head on the pillow at night a guy’s wife begins talking about her day and opens up a thorny topic about their son’s social media use.His grumpy irritability soon turns into resentment and anger. He does all this in a silent, sullen mood which turns him into a grumpy and irritated partner. Instead he reluctantly completes domestic tasks like cleaning up, cooking dinner and putting out the garbage. He has said nothing about this for weeks. A husband avoids saying anything to his wife about his frustration with her untidiness and disorganisation at home.
He’s relieved when she stops talking and continues on Facebook. In their daily debrief he zones out, avoids eye contact with his partner, doesn’t speak and keeps looking at his phone. It’s been weeks that he’s been hearing the same problems about her boss and co-workers.
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